Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Worse than labor....

Caution: this post may contain images disturbing to children and adults alike.  My baby got hurt this week in California.

Can I just preface this post by saying that we aren't on vacation 100% of the time.  It's just that I can only write so many posts about working 70+ hours a week and being a terrible wife.  But Thayner really wanted me to write about this to show how manly he is.  

So the second tax season ended, we booked it to sunny California with the Davis family. You might call it the perfect vacation.  Rollerblading on the boardwalk, beach house on the beach, eating everything in sight, basking in the sun, reading and surfing for hours on end, sleeping - ah, glorious sleep. Little did we know there was a monster lurking in the depths.

After a week of paradise, Thayne was taking his last surf and looking like a professional (seriously), when suddenly, he cried out and was pulled beneath the waves.  Fortunately, he popped right up and the waves pushed his lifeless body to shore on his surfboard.  Jacob yelled to me and I ran down to Thayne (very unlike those Baywatch people) and helped Thayner hop to the beach house while copious amounts of blood spurted from his cute little foot.  Oh yes, a stingray got him.  

Thayne is so manly, while he was suffering he thought we should take pictures so this blog wouldn't have to suffer as much as he was at the time.  What a sweet husband! To think of the blog instead of himself.  I love him.

Anyway, people were making all kinds of suggestions and comments as they passed us on the boardwalk - "pee on it!", "that's a mighty good sting",  "that is going to hurt SO bad man!".  Taylor looked up what to do in case a stingray stings you on the internet and we got some really great advice - "do not panic if you are stung, or you could die".  That made me feel better.  

We got the foot into a tub of very hot water (apparently it congeals the protein-based venom...this was an education experience for me) and helped Thayne try not to panic (and therefore, die).  That's when it started.  Thayne spent the next two hours shaking and sweating from pain.  This was the real deal - I've never seen him in that much pain, ever.  Bless his heart. About an hour into the excruciating experience, Glen came by with some great fatherly research he had done.  "Son," he said, "the internet said it's going to hurt like h-e-double hockey sticks (he literally said "H...E...double hockeys sticks" Glen doesn't swear) for the next 2 to 8 hours. Can I get you anything?" That made Thayne feel really optimistic and at this point, he slipped into the grip of insanity while I tried to distract him with cereal and "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives with Guy Fieri".  It was awesome.


After 2 hours, the sharpest pains died down a little and Thaynster was able to rest a little.  The following are some pictures of the whole experience:





During the 12 hour van ride home the next, Thayner validated his pain for all to hear. Out of the silence, "Did you guys know that a stingray sting is the 5th most painful animal sting on earth?"..."It's right below scorpion on the pain scale and right above labor." YEAH. RIGHT.  Maybe one or two contractions.  I have the understanding that labor lasts more that 2 hours and I also believe it leaves you with more than a small cut on your foot.


Disclaimer: I know it sounds like Thayne didn't get hurt all that bad, but let's just say I'd rather have a baby than get stung by that devil ray any day.  It looked like it hurt.