Two things....

Ah, it's good to be back writing.  I missed you little blog.  Thayne's favorite question whenever I talk about writing is "you have a blog?!"  Then he chuckles....he's so funny.

Anywho, I wanted to write about two hilarious things that I didn't know were going to happen when I had a child.  Let's be honest, there are about a million things that I didn't know were going to happen when I had child, but these two are in my top ten.

One, I remember one night when Nets was, like, one month old.  This has actually happened many, many times in our short eight months together, but the first time killed me.  Around three AM, Nets woke up crying.  I had just fed her an hour before, so it was Thayne's turn.  He did his best, bless his heart, but she would not go back down.  She cried and cried and cried.  I went in, offering my help.  He looked at me with those puppy eyes he gets sometimes and asked, "What am I supposed to do?"

Bahaha.  Who knows!  I didn't.  I love that he thought I had it all figured out.  Like something inside me just KNEW way better than he did what she needed.  Word to the wise (or other first-time mothers), it's a a huge guessing game with a gigantic learning curve.  I can't believe they let us take our tiny children home from the hospital in the first place.  I remember my first real day after giving birth the nurse came in and asked how many diapers Nettie had in the night.  My first thought, was "oh, crap, am I supposed to do that and THEN keep track of it?" Poor little nugget's bum was plastered with poop that took ten minutes to scrub off.  I knew NOTHING.  Luckily, Thayne thought my womanly nature endowed me with some sort of mystical power to know exactly what every cry and noise meant and he has deferred to my "wisdom" in all situations. For sure I've learned a thing or two in my 24/7 role as mother since then - when in doubt (in this order): feed, change, snuggle, binkie, temperature.  Rinse, repeat.  I am learning every day, but still, every time a new situation arises with Nets, Thayne looks at me with the puppy eyes and says "What are we supposed to do?" I love it. 

Two, I am Tom Hanks from Castaway and Nettie is Wilson.  

See the resemblance?

I do.

I have conversations all day about every subject with a nugget who can't answer me. Do I do it to keep from going insane?  Do I do it because I am insane?  Who knows... But we have a good time.

*For those of you who have never seen Castaway starring Tom Hanks...shame on you.  Quick recap.  A worldly, but nice FedEx manager is marooned on an island after surviving a plane crash.  With only his FedEx packages, Tom Hanks determination, and a bloodstained volleyball dubbed "Wilson"- he survives for four years without going completely insane.  Despite being an inanimate object, Wilson becomes Hanks' best friend and second best character in that movie and may have made me cry on a few occasions.  Hence, Nettie is my Wilson.

And now I present to you a big ole' list of pictures of the nugget. She. is. the. greatest.

Dressing Nettie

Dressing a baby is a ridiculous endeavor.  I am just super happy to shower every day.  How the heck do those awesome ladies not only dress all of their kids, but coordinate the outfit among all of there adorable children?  Luckily, I have Thayne Davis on my side.  He is for sure the stylish one in this family.  I dress the girl, and she usually ends up looking a little something like this:

Then Thayner comes along and suggests a few key outfit changes.  He's so cute about it.  He's really learned how to talk to girls these last three years of marriage.  He'll peek his head in and say, "Wow, you two look beautiful!...isn't Nettie cute? I love that shirt she's wearing...don't we have a headband that matches?  Also, I think this would look great with those pants over there.  Oh man, I think THIS shirt would just pull the whole thing together.  Eh, let's skip the rainbow tattoo today." and BAM:

Cutest girl in town.  Good thing I married such a stylish guy - he keeps his girls in line.

Baby Overload

I'll admit it.  I totally staged the above photo...but not as much as you might think! All I did was move Nettie's arm to look like she was hugging Thayne and I made Thayne pretend he was asleep (he's not a super-great actor).  But, let's all be honest, if this photo doesn't just melt your heart...you have no heart.

 Things around here have been wonderful.  Nettie is now the center of our universe and has introduced us to a new level of love, paranoia, and fear.  To love such a tiny thing with everything that you are has brought us more joy than we ever imagined. 

Nettie had terrible jaundice for the first six weeks of her life and we tried the tanning beds and this little blue-light pad you stick to her back.  For weeks, I'd take her to the hospital to have her blood taken (she did NOT like that) and her billirubin levels checked.  They were always high and weren't going down.  The first few weeks of motherhood are hard enough without having "something wrong" with your child.  This was an enormous source of emotion, stress, and tears for me until we figured out the solution and the jaundice went away.  Jaundice is not a huge deal at all - but to me is was.  I admire mothers who for weeks, months, and years on end deal with physical, mental, or emotional handicaps in their children.

Nettie is hilarious.  She was born with a wrinkle in her brow and has a naturally mad face (like her mama).  She makes the greatest faces and I've given you a pretty good selection in this blog post.  

I was going to write what a typical day for us is (you know, a hilarious paragraph basically saying: "feed her, diapers, don't accomplish anything, feed her, diapers, don't accomplish anything, see Thayne, feed her...), but those of you who don't have kids don't care and those of you with kids already know.  Moving on...

I love the sheer terror in Nettie's eyes as her adorable cousin Haven proudly holds her and for some reason love this picture of her crying...

Hands down my favorite picture of Nettie.  I am so sorry about the inappropriate gesture, but I laugh every time I see this picture.  She has incredible control over that one finger and is constantly giving me the bird.

The remainder of this post is, like the title says, a baby overload.  Scroll down, or don't....whatever, I'm off to go stare at Nettie :)

Being a Human Being...

Dear Mr. Middle-Aged Red SAAB Convertible Driver,

On our lovely drive up Parley's Canyon to the Mormon Mecca of Swiss Days this morning, my mother and I merged onto Highway 189 and saw you in the rearview mirror.  For some reason, I automatically didn't like you and I was about to find out why.  As our two lanes turned to one, we respectfully merged into the slow line of cars.  You, however, seemed to think you were special...like somehow the universal rules of driving (or just being a decent human being) didn't apply to you.  As you weaseled along the slowly diminishing lane, you were angered and shocked that not one of us really wanted to let you in and be that guy.  No one was outright mean, mind you, but you seemed to think that explosive anger was the correct answer to the pressure the car behind you put on you.  I really enjoyed how you purposefully swerved in front of the car and slammed on your brakes just to really stick it to the people behind you.  Merely inches from rear-ending you, the visibly shaken driver behind you honked and waved for you to merge into the line of normal human beings.  You thought it would appropriate to make a large gesture, swerve, and brake again....coming to a complete standstill straddling the lanes.  As the cars behind you started to pull around you, your response of more swerving, choice gestures, and shouting filled me with deep laughter and an even deeper shame for the human race.

Surely this must be some kind of joke.  Surely no man who has survived on this planted to adulthood...not only adulthood, but middle-agedhood should act like a big, giant, baby in the face of  a merging situation.  Did swerving and yelling all over make you feel like a powerful man who was in control of the situation?  Because I saw a five year old throwing a fit over some cereal in aisle 2 of Smith's Market Place yesterday that exhibited more maturity and class than you did on the road today.  Is it because you are technically anonymous to all of us around you that helps you to freak out without remorse?  

Dear mister SAAB driver, I am ashamed that you would treat another human being like that. I am mortified that you think it is okay to act like that... What I wouldn't give to show your wife a video of our little run in.  Would she be surprised? Was it your totally inappropriate responses to human situations that attracted her to you in the first place?  Did it really seal the deal after you proposed to her that you rudely sent back your steak three times because it wasn't to your liking and then failed to tip your waiter?  Did your daughters write essays in grade school about their hero- You, their father, and how you yell at customer service representatives on the phone who are genuinely just trying to help you.  Are you admired in your community for your manly use of your middle finger and how, without regard to the feelings of anyone else, you get what YOU want?  We all know you are special, Mr. SAAB driver, and we all know that you are a REALLY big deal (because you let us know); but let's join the human race and take it down a notch.  Or at least be embarrassed by your actions so I don't have to be embarrassed for you.

gratuitous pregnant/baby post

Oh goodness.  I could write for days and days about the last 10 months and especially about the last 10 days.  I could write about the earth-shattering love and absolute awe that this little baby has brought into our lives.  I could write a silly post about the absolute exhaustion and hilarious body stuff that happens during and after pregnancy.  I could write a very serious post about the admiration and appreciation I have for mothers the world over for sacrificing body, mind, and sanity to lovingly raise children.  Those posts will probably come soon, but for now, I'll just post pictures of my body so you can all feel good about your own, much-less-enormous bodies :)

Annette Elizabeth Davis

May 13, 2014

6:00 PM

7 Pounds 14 Ounces

19.5 Inches

 My heart!!

 MY HEART!!!!

Nettie has had some awesome jaundice so we've had a tanning bed at our house this week.  Anywho, I don't think I'm going overboard when I say I think she is the cutest baby ever to be born ever in all the history of the earth.